Process of Letting Go.
Updated: Sep 10
Buddha Said " In the end only 3 things will matter, how much you loved, how gently you lived and how gracefully you let go of things, not meant for you".
We all talk about letting go, detachment and indifference to outcome approach towards life. What does it all mean and what is the rightful way of achieving this goal, let's set a guideline and learn more about how to let go.
WHAT is Letting Go: As the name suggests, it simply means dropping and moving forward from all the attachments and emotions related to a particular event, emotion, energy and the thought.
Is doing is as simple as saying it? It seems difficult in the beginning, but with right understanding and training, letting go can work as a very helpful tool and can brighten the life up.
HOW to Let go: There are many ways by which one can let go, in the beginning it will feel highly difficult and not easy but with the right understanding, patience and diligent effort one can easily develop a letting go muscle. Once you learned how to let go, life can become tremendously happy, peaceful and amazing.
Before we jump in the process, let's understand what we are letting go of, what are the actual things we need to get over with. The answer is very simple, it's "THE ATTACHMENTS". It could be attachments to your thoughts either negative or positive, attachment to people, outcomes, expectations, beliefs and systems. It's important to understand that the attachments are not just to positive outcomes but we do get attached to negative outcomes also, it's like getting attached to thoughts of loneliness, depression, sadness.
We just keep thinking about these thoughts and keep lingering on to those anxious feelings instead of simple letting go. Similar manner we attach ourselves to happiness thoughts and run away from thoughts for sadness, but life is full when both are present in life. Running towards one and away from one won't help, but right understanding on how to take these thoughts and emotions in a right way is extremely necessary.
These are my few approaches how I Let go:
1. Mindfulness and Awareness: Coming into the state of mindfulness or state of complete awareness towards your surrounding, thoughts and emotions. You must have read this a lot, everyone talks about being present, being available in now, not lost in past or future thoughts, just and just being available here. That is exactly what we need to do, to be present or here in this context be more mindful and aware.
The reason we are raising our awareness level is just to bring ourselves out from the world of thoughts, whenever we are more aware and present in the moment, we are far far away from our thoughts, without thoughts there are no attachments to any particular feelings or emotions. For eg, when you have good thoughts, you feel great and when thoughts are bad, you feel bad. So our mind and body are highly connected.
Which makes this an excellent way of letting go, when we are present, we can let go very easy. Purpose is to make your mind quiet, kill the chatter, we can do walking meditation, sitting meditation, what we are trying to achieve is taking focus away from thoughts and in a way reducing the chatter. Learn more about what is awareness, click here.
2. Impermanence: Understanding the Impermanent nature of things being said or happened. Understand, one day you will pass away, nothing is inevitable, nothing stays forever, things are changing by moment. If you won't live forever, so will your anger or greed. Plus time is a biggest healer, it makes your forget things even the most horrendous of all.
Experience this impermanence and based on your experience of impermanence, reduce your attachments to things and start letting go. What we need to realise is that time will make things fade away sooner or later, then why give power to time and live on its mercy to forget things, rather than taking control of the situation and moving on, on your own will be a better choice. As this way you have things in your control and you can make your mind quiet and peaceful much easier. One can also develop this muscle of moving on faster by bringing more love and compassion in your life and approach of forgiveness towards others. Learn more about accepting your thoughts, click here.
3. Dropping the thought: Our mind has many abilities, one of the great ability is to memorise things and events. Have you ever noticed that we remember bad things that happened to us way more than good ones, simply because of ego, which boosts this idea of self a lot. These memories keep on remembering those bad thoughts back again and again, it could be something someone did or said or some bad experience from the past. Once the trigger happens, we go back into thinking state sometimes, the emotion becomes so heavy that it leads us into the continuous loop of thoughts and you will find yourself thinking and rolling in a bad cycle of overthinking the same thought over and over. We humans are an accumulation of thoughts and experiences, so when we get stuck in this universe of bad thoughts and emotions.
The best solution is simply shutting down your mind by dropping the thought, doing something else like exercise, cleaning or work, rather than keeping the thinking on. Even stop talking back to yourself about that particular thought which is disturbing you. But breaking the pattern of your thoughts and mind. Use this tool of memory and think about good thoughts or events which happened in past. You can find an anchor for your mind, bring your entire focus on your breath or expansion and compression of your stomach. Or start the walk and focus on your feets. Do this for 30 minutes, you will see the big difference in your heart beat and thought process. Learn more about dropping the thoughts, click here.
4. Understanding the value of things said or taken away: No one can take away anything from you or give you something until you let them. We are and will be surrounded by people everywhere we go and life will always happen where there are people. Means there will always be the possibility of someone hurting you emotionally. Plus we don't know, what's the other person's intention when he says something, did he really wanted to hurt you or he said this out of a concern or he wanted to be mean or not mean but caring to you.
Maybe he is not aware of what his actions or words are doing, same as we are not. We can never know that, but one thing we are definitely sure of is, he will not be remembering what he said or did, after sometime. But we will remember that forever, for our entire life.
It means you are still giving energy to that particular incident even after many years, whereas the other person has completely forgotten it. There is no harm in remembering things but if you are giving energy to a thought, then why not give it those thoughts which will benefit you, not to ones which take away your peace. Be wise and be forgiving and reduce these attachments to hurt and wrong done to you knowingly or unknowingly. Claim your own power and let go for better peace. Learn more about forgiveness, click here.
5. Control: 99% of things we can't control, so what's the point of suffering for things which are not in your control and changing moment by moment. Let's give away that control and be more flexible and accepting towards this beautiful life.
Let's start letting go. Raise your level of acceptance and awareness and then just simply let go.
Calm Mind Power
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