I am terribly Lonely, what should I DO?
Updated: Jul 26
We humans have tendency to make attachments, and specially to emotions and feelings. You won’t believe, we won't only get attached to positive thoughts, but we also get attached to negative thoughts. Plus what we are trying to run away from, actually is an integral part of life. A coin has only value, when it has both sides, heads and tails. Same way life is only full when there is both negative and positive emotions. We all need to train our mind on how to deal with them, how not to get attached to these emotions and see them the way they are. I would request you to learn about your mind, how it produces thoughts and how these thoughts leads to influx of feelings and unpleasant sensations over our body.
Once you learn this, then it will be very easy to let go of these attachments and dealing will become very easy. Also regarding Loneliness, how can we be alone when there are 7 billion people on earth. It just needs little effort, a good relationship needs good effort from our end. One can join meetup groups, learn couple latin dancing like salsa, go to social dancing, so many meetup websites. Believe me it's just thoughts and nothing more.
If you can see this, your life is like a sky and rest all is weather.
How to defuse your fears or straighten up your doubts? 1. Go backwards into your doubts or fears: Any kind of emotion comes with certain amount of power and that power is based on how much attention you are giving to that thought or emotion. But once we start interrogating that fear or doubt and go backward into it, you will realize that it has no power whatsoever.
For Eg. If your doubt is you don't have a someone to love and you are very lonely, if you interrogate this fear and check the reality of it, you will realize that there are so many people out there and so many ways to meet them, it's actually hard not to find anyone. But we have this attachment to the thought or doubt of loneliness. Just go out and say hi and talk to people, go join a gym, a dance class or a meetup group. The important thing we are lacking is the effort of finding someone, our laziness or attachment to a particular negative thought is the reason for many problems we face in our life. You will find solution to every problem you will come across, but it's the game which our mind plays by filling or corrupting our mind with doubts. If your anxiety is affecting your sleep, learn how to sleep well, click here.
2. Observe them. The best way to take care of any doubt is not to think about them to begin with, just ignore those doubtful thoughts and make them powerless. But sometimes we can't ignore them, majorly during nights when its very quiet and everyone is sleeping and you are all by yourself. Try to ignore them first if you can't then let them be, its like if you can't fight them then join them, let them come, they will try to worry you, important thing is they can only worry you when you start talking back to them or start fighting there influx but rather let them come, just tell them come over and lets see.
So eventually you are making your thoughts and fears powerless. Finding an anchor for your mind, night time is most annoying, as you are all by yourself and obviously its dark. So to anchor your mind will be best way to reduce the flux of thoughts and bring peace. The best anchor for your mind is meditation, meditation either on your breath or a mantra, this will take your attention away from your thoughts and so take away your fears and bring immediate calmness.
3. Give it a time: You will ultimately get the results and the peace, happiness you are looking for, but it will take some time and experience. As your current experience is unsettled mind, which you need to change to settled and calm mind. For that you need to bring the solution in practice and also practice it again and again, over and over. You have to change your experience related to your doubts and fears. Reality is there is no magic pill, but if you are looking for a permanent solution, then understanding and patience is the only magic pill which will work. Learn more about how to deal with anxiety, click here.
There will be nights and times which will be very hard to pass and get through, but with patience and doing the right thing you will find the peace and calmness you are looking for. Learn how to sleep well when you feel anxious, click here.
4. Don't care for solutions: There is another way to settle the unsettled mind is, don't care for solutions. Mind always plays by asking us to run behind challenges, that's how it satisfies itself. It will challenge us to solve a puzzle, or take a dare just to prove to ourselves that we can do it. But we don't have to fall for this trap every time.
Sometime we can just let the doubt be there, without the need to find the solution. Leave it for a while or let it be, drop the urge to find the solution. After few times you will find that you don't even need a solution, life goes on equally smooth without finding solution to some problems. You don't need to answer everything.
So start interrogating your thoughts and you will find solution to every fear or doubt you have. By interrogating you will find out that your doubts and negative thoughts have no grounds and your fears are baseless. But one thing is for sure even if you found a solution right now and calmed your mind for the moment, but it doubts will come back again and possibly with higher intensity. That's why along with interrogation you need to increase your patience and understanding regarding your thoughts and understand these are just thoughts and they will come and go, no need to love them and keep thinking about them.
Rather ignoring them or letting go of them every time would be best possible solution. No matter how deep or how strong it is, just let them go. Keep this in practice either way they will stop bothering you or you will not get bothered by them. What Fear is really just a delusion, if you run away from it, it will become ferocious, if you see into it, you will realize it is just a condition, which looks nasty, but in reality it's just a thought. If worried about your purpose of life, click here.
Calm Mind Power