If feeling lonely, then read this and learn how to tackle the situation
Updated: Dec 22, 2020
Do you know why giving up is easier than working hard, simply just because it involves no work and we all want easy way out. You must have noticed how much in a day, you spend in thinking? I'll say for most of us, our 100% of day just passes away in thoughts, rather in awareness. Means not even a single minute of awareness and if there is awareness then its just accidental. Next question is how much of these thoughts we think, are we thinking optimistic? I'll say 99% of times we are just making pessimistic thoughts. Why? Just because its easier than working harder towards something and achieving something. Now we wonder why 20% of people have 80% of wealth.
Crux being, 100% of times, we are unaware and out of those 99% of times we are thinking negative thoughts and that too in just repetition. There is nothing new which we think, we just think in the same limited capacity and circle of knowingness which we have gathered over a period of time. I'll substantiate it by saying, is there anything in the world which you don't know. Obviously there are lots of things you can come up with, but point is you still know that you don't know, isn't it. We simply think same thoughts in repetition.
Now every thought evokes a sensation on the body, majorly it could either be pleasant or unpleasant which are mostly termed as feelings and emotions, for e.g. if you think positive you receive good sensations, and if you think negative you will go through stress, anxiety and worry issues. Means its our thoughts which generate feelings, hence proving our mind and body highly interconnected. Just because of this connection we make attachments, that's why we run for things which provides pleasures and confuse pleasure with happiness. As its pretty obvious any day we will prefer pleasant feelings over the unpleasant ones.
Another point, the innate nature of our existence is living alone because, there is only one of you in your body, if you will eat- you will only feed yourself, if you are sick - only you will feel the pain. So the thoughts of loneliness are very obvious because that's the very fundamental part of our existence. And we are just scared of being in company of ourselves. Until you cant enjoy your own company then how can you be happy with others.
We just want someone else to be a reason for our happiness, obviously that is a disaster thinking. Only when you happy with your own company, everything else will look beautiful. You are not lonely, its the pressure of your surroundings where you see other people in groups and your greed for more is making you suffer. But in reality you will attract more only when you happy with yourself, else it will just deflect people away.
Now, Lets join all what we have just discussed above together.
1. We are compulsive thinkers.
2. Mostly we think negative.
3. Our thoughts they bring feelings on body.
4. We make attachments based on the feelings and fundamentally we are just one single person.
Which means thoughts of loneliness can bother us big time and we end up thinking them non stop plus making attachments with it, not because it makes pleasant feelings, but because we are non stop searching for an answer on how to come out it.
But a simple training and bringing the understanding of loving yourself first can help us deal with such issues forever. We all need to train our mind on how to deal with them, how not to get attached to these emotions and see them the way they are. I would request you to learn about your mind, how it produces thoughts and how these thoughts leads to influx of feelings and unpleasant sensations over our body. Learn how to choose the right mental intelligence, click here.
Once you learn this and bring that freedom in your from your fears living will become very easy. Also regarding a partner, how can we be alone when there are 7 billion people on earth. It just needs little effort, a good relationship needs good and continuous effort from our end. One can join meetup groups, go social dancing nights, learn couple dancing like salsa, so many meetup websites. Believe me it's just fear and nothing more.
If you can see this, your life is like a sky and rest all is weather.
How to defuse your fears or straighten up your doubts?
1. Go backwards into your doubts or fears: Any kind of emotion comes with certain amount of power and that power is based on how much attention you are giving to that thought or emotion. But once we start interrogating that fear or doubt and go backward into it, you will realize that it has no power whatsoever.
For Eg. If your doubt is you don't have a someone to love and you are very lonely, if you interrogate this fear and check the reality of it, you will realize that there are so many people out there and so many ways to meet them, it's actually hard not to find anyone. But we have this attachment to the thought or doubt of loneliness. Just go out and say hi and talk to people, go join a gym, a dance class or a meetup group.
The important thing we are lacking is the effort, courage of finding someone, our laziness or attachment to a particular negative thought is the reason for many problems we face in our life. You will find solution to every problem you will come across, but it's the game which our mind plays by filling or corrupting our mind with doubts. Learn how to interrogate your fears, click here.
2. Observe them or Do nothing: The best way to take care of any doubt is not to think about them to begin with, just ignore those doubtful thoughts and make them powerless. But sometimes we can't ignore them, majorly during nights when its very quiet and everyone is sleeping and you are all by yourself. Try to ignore them first if you can't then let them be, do not do any type of self talk, don't say it will be alright, its going to be ok etc..
As you are giving your doubts more attention, the best solution for your fear is to do nothing about it in terms of thoughts. As what you are doing is compulsive thinking, rather expose yourself to your doubts and fears and see how weal they are when you do nothing about them, you will just see them as thoughts.
You can never fight your thoughts, they will always win, they will find ways to bring you down. Its like if you can't fight them then join them, let them come, they will try to worry you, important thing is they can only worry you when you start talking back to them or start fighting there influx but rather let them come, just tell them come over and lets see.
So eventually you are making your thoughts and fears powerless. Night time is most annoying, as you are all by yourself and obviously its dark. So to anchor for your mind will be best way to reduce the flux of thoughts and bring peace. The best anchor for your mind is meditation, meditation either on your breath or a mantra, this will take your attention away from your thoughts and so take away your fears and bring immediate calmness. But you won't need any anchor as well, if you don't talk back, just do nothing about them. They will stop instantly.
3. Give it a time: You will ultimately get the results and the peace, happiness you are looking for, but it will take some time and experience. As your current experience is unsettled mind, which you need to change to settled and calm mind. For that you need to bring the solution in practice and also practice it again and again, over and over. You have to change your experience related to your doubts and fears. Reality is, there is no magic pill, if you are looking for a permanent solution, then understanding and patience is the only magic pill which will work. Learn more about how to deal with anxiety, click here.
There will be nights and times which will be very hard to pass and get through, but with patience and doing the right thing you will find the peace and calmness you are looking for. Learn how to sleep well when you feel anxious, click here.
4. Don't look for answers or be curious: There is another way to settle the unsettled mind is, don't care for answers. Mind always plays by asking us to run behind challenges, that's how it satisfies itself. It will challenge us to solve a puzzle, or take a dare just to prove to ourselves that we can do it. But we don't have to fall for this trap every time.
Sometime we can just let the doubt be there, without the need to find the solution. Leave it for a while or let it be, drop the urge to find the solution. After few times you will find that you don't even need a solution, life goes on equally smooth without finding solution to a problem also. You don't need to answer for everything. You just need awareness, and everything will be beautiful.
Otherwise, one thing is for sure even if you found a solution right now and calmed your mind for the moment, but those doubts will come back again and possibly with higher intensity. That's why along with interrogation you need to increase your patience and understanding regarding your thoughts and understand these are just thoughts and they will come and go, no need to love them and keep thinking about them.
What Fear is really just an imagination, if you run away from it, it will become ferocious, if you see into it, you will realize it is just a thought, which looks nasty, but in reality it's just a thought. If worried about your purpose of life, click here.