Ego and Selflessness
Updated: Aug 27
Ego is like a dust in the eyes, without clearing the dust you cannot see clearly.
Today when I reflect back on various incidents happened in my life, I just see how many times, just because of my own ego I have lost so much and there were even times and incidents when out of my unawareness, all I wanted was the other person to suffer. Now when I reflect on that past and notice others doing the same, I can clearly see how our ego blinds us and even takes us towards the wrong doings. This is what we need to be aware and mindful of, how sometimes our action and behaviour completely changes under the influence of our EGO or the I, ME and MINE.
See how this behaviour leads us to miss so many opportunities, opportunities small as making our day more pleasurable to big as changing our life completely. Opportunities comes to us in so many ways, all the times. But instead of making the right decision and at least think about accepting the offer we just reject it outright, without even giving it a single thought, only because all of the sudden we stop liking one of the person involved or just want to make the person involved feel miserable.
A very small example, One day you asked your partner to go out for dinner, but due to some work he couldn't go, he apologized for it and asked to do it next time. But next time when he asks you to go for a movie or dine out. Just because of the previous incident where you felt let down, just out of revenge you say no. At that moment, our ego definitely gets a boost, but if you just analyse you have just soiled your mood twice already. In a bigger picture what I mean is we get so much carried away by emotions of self and get blinded by them so much, that we forget to do what is right and best for all. One can't even imagine how many opportunities we miss out just because of feelings of jealousy and feeling of revenge, where our emotions heavily take control of us. Learn how to not get carried away by emotions, click here.
This is just one of the examples, we see these kinds of situations everyday in our life. Just because of our ego, emotions, feelings, we suffer so much and deprive ourselves from lots of pleasure moments, after all that's what we always run for right. If not checked well, this behaviour goes in loop and no one else is looser in this except you.
Most of our life we just spend thinking and feeling. If there are good thoughts then we feel good and if bad thoughts then we feel bad. It would never be if you think bad and just feel good. Means thoughts, feelings and emotions they are just one. Thoughts are very jumpy they change in microseconds, but emotions take a long time to distance from you. Some emotions may even take years, but they do definitely distance from you as well. So a right awareness of how mind and body works is absolutely crucial for making right choices in life. Learn to make right choices, click here.
How to make decisions and choices, with less ego and more selflessness.
1. Understanding: We need to develop the attribute of Understanding inside us. We always say, I need you to be understanding of the situation, why can't the other person be more understanding? Why is that I have to understand everything and sacrifice always. What is this actually what we need to understand? What all this understanding entails?
It means understanding how this universe works, how people behave, how we all are not aware and heavily under the influence of our emotions and thoughts. So understanding what the other person did, you feel has hurted you. In fact the other person is also not completely aware of how his actions have affected you, or even knows what he is doing. So our ego blinds our vision and takes away the ability to make the right call. For example, when we come under the influence of our emotion, say anger we lose control of ourselves, same goes for others. Similarly, he is not aware of his own actions, he is not aware of his greed, anger or selfishness which is driving him.
The first step is to start with this understanding, understand that the other person is not aware of his actions, also we are not aware of our ego which is driving as well. Until we raise this understanding, goodness can never happen. First step is understanding and then the second is awareness. Learn more about awareness, click here.
2. Awareness: Once you got this understanding that everyone is unaware of their actions, then making the right call becomes a bit easy. To raise our level of awareness and come out of ignorance, one has to experience this awareness, awareness of how we get overwhelmed by our thoughts and emotions, how we are always looking out and trying to blame others, but not seeing we are exactly doing the same to others, awareness towards how our ego blinds us and fogs our vision, awareness of how everything is impermanent, awareness of how we are always busy in this game of emotions and thoughts. Once you have experienced this, then understanding towards our reactions and others reactions will become very easy to you and so is the path of less suffering and right change.
3. Acceptance: We are not our thoughts and are not our emotions, so no need to personalize them. This acceptance is absolutely necessary for getting that experience in order to bring the change. Because until we accept the very basic fact of how we are heavily controlled by emotions and how they blinds our judgements we can never achieve the level of happiness we always want. Unacceptance simply means the fight is still going on inside you. Bring that acceptance inside you, acceptance towards how things happen. Acceptance towards problems in others life, acceptance towards how situations and events can go in any direction, acceptance towards the things not being in anyone's control, acceptance towards how jealousy blinds us, acceptance towards the change which is happening every moment, acceptance towards sufferings in life.
Ego feeds on non acceptance and blindness, with acceptance we can be reduce the bring the change and reduce the influence of our ego.
3. Forgiveness: When the understanding level will go higher, the forgiveness will also go higher and the pain you go through will be very less. It is not just we need to forgive others, we need to forgive ourselves also. If something wrong has happened or done by you, do not keep the guilt inside you, but just forgive yourself and accept it as a mistake done, no need to carry on living with it, rather take it as a lesson and learn from it. Forgiveness will be really helpful for changing our attitude towards life, towards others behaviours and our reactions. Because if you are at peace with your emotions and reactions, only then you can see clearly and do the right thing. Learn more about forgiveness, click here.
4. Love and Compassion: There is no other better way for making your life beautiful than love and compassion. Don't just love others but love yourself first. With love you can Increase the level of compassion and kindness towards others and towards yourself. When there is love, then jealous stands no chance and ego can never over power you. Be proud of others, their accomplishments and be encouraging to do more. Maturity is the best superiority and it doesn't come with age, but when we learn to do the right things. Let's be more kind to others and ourselves, make our heart strong.
5. Impermanence and Let go: Everything changes slowly but definitely. What's the point of keeping a grudge when things will change eventually. Just let go of the hurt or emotion which brings the suffering to you and make most of this life. They say time heals everything, as with time we forget things. How about we make an active call to move on instead of just leaving it to time. Letting go means quickly moving away from an incident hurting you and coming in control of life.
6. Strong Decisions: If someone is hurting you constantly and makes you feel bad everytime, then maybe it is time to take some strong calls and remove yourself from the company of those people. Forgive them, accept them the way they are, understand their unawareness, out of compassion tell them where things are wrong. If the other person changes for good then that's great, but if not then maybe it's time to move on also. Letting go of ego doesn't mean reducing the value of self in any means, you deserve all the goodness and love in the world.
First and foremost, we have to solve a problem related to our ego by doing a simple let go exercise which involves a little understanding and therapeutic forgiveness. We need to see how our ego makes us selfishly negative and makes us take actions which are highly self driven towards destruction, right understanding and awareness with letting go, forgiveness and love will not only make your life better and happier, but also makes us a better person.
Calm Mind Power
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