A Coin has only value when it is 2 sided, head and tail, one sided coin can't buy anything and has no value. Same way life is only complete when it is whole, by whole I mean there will be nervousness, sadness, fear, anger and greed as there is happiness, peace, goodness, compassion and love. We only know the true value of one side when another is present, as you will only be certain about the head when you can see the tail.
Important question is how we take things and react to them? This is what we are ignorant about, which in turn makes our life problematic. For eg. If you compare a flower with great aroma and looks with another flower with no smell and looks then obviously our reaction is not optimum and right. Same way the outcomes which are not pleasant on our body and mind we just try to run away from them. But by the definition they both are just simply outcomes. Our eagerness for one sort of outcome and fear from others is what brings the trouble. Learn more about what to be aware of and how to raise awareness, click here.
There is no harm in looking for happiness, love and peace. But the way we are looking is not right. We are allowed to look, but making judgments while looking is incorrect. The right way is, to look without making judgments and attachments. Outcomes which bring disappointments, nervousness, sadness, fear they become depressions, anxieties and panics only because slowly over a period of time we start running away from them, we get scared of them, retaliate them and just want outcomes which brings pleasurable sensations on the body.
Problem is, this is just half of the reality and that is the reason why we suffer. Living life in this manner we make biased experiences, now we have this amazing ability to make memories and be imaginative. We keep storing all good and bad memories and then mix those bad experiences with imagination and that is the whole suffering. This is the only reason why our own thoughts just haunt us again and again. Even if you feel you have gotten rid of them, still they come back. Anxiety is basically a fearful thought, about something in future(our Imagination). It becomes panic because we are now thinking of those fearful thoughts in repetition in a highly compulsive manner.
Fear can never be about the past or present, it's always about the future and future is just imagination. Over repetition of the same thoughts, activate panic responses on the body(feelings) which becomes hard to handle and makes us disconnected from the reality and we feel something majorly wrong with us and we start losing all the hope.
Slowly even the fear of anxiety starts triggering our panic response, by fear of anxiety I meant just fearing the incoming anxiety or it is coming. Learn more about how to reduce your anxiety and panic, click here.
I will write it again, why anxiety and panic come back again and again, is because:
1. We are not handling our thoughts right.
2. We are not training our mind and body properly.
3.We are just rolling in our memory or our imagination.
Let's learn the HOW to do Part.
We have learned, that most of the outcomes are not in our control like 99% of them, plus mostly what we do is make attachments, judgments, don't use Power of observance, do not accept negatives as part of life, don't train ourselves on how to see the sensations arising on our body and don't know what is the rightful way of taking feelings & emotions, how to train our mind for letting go of the memories we have made over time while being highly reactive and controlling. Lets change this..
1. Exposure Response Prevention: A major reason behind any anxiety is compulsive thoughts. Same thoughts going in repetition over and over again and every time a fear is adding up to the list. One needs to understand how mind and body are highly interconnected. You feel what you think. This is also called OCD for thoughts or intrusive thoughts.
Do you know, just because you are thinking non stop, you have developed an OCD towards your own thoughts. Your thoughts have gone highly intrusive and your response to those thoughts is hurting you the most. These intrusive thoughts bring certain feelings on the body, which not only disconnects us from reality but also makes us lose hope and over time becomes hard to handle. But you were not born with it, it's with time you developed this behavior, which can be easily unwired with right training. That is called ERP training of mind.
You need to train your mind towards the harmlessness of your thought, by exposing yourself to your trigger, your fear and imagination(basically expose yourself to your anxiety) and then staying with your anxiety, till it drops around 50% and doing nothing till then, no reply back, no talk back, just be with your fear. This way you tell your mind, what you are scared of actually has no power. This will be hard in the beginning, but it's a long term solution towards your problem. Slowly the mind will learn and will stop getting scared from those things. You can meet a certified professional for ERP under guidance or search on youtube for more.
2. Accept: Accept all outcomes are not in our control, but your reactions are. Accept there will be feelings which will not bring pleasant effects, accept the incoming scary emotion as a part of life, accept disappointments and sadness will be there so not being afraid of them or fight their existence, as when you fight those thoughts they lead to depression and anxiety. Accept that we try to control everything around us, accept that things change all the time, everything is impermanent so there are no merits in making attachments, accept that bad sensations are an integral part of life and don't be scared of them, accept we react out of ignorance. This acceptance will take a lot of pressure off your system, as you will stop running towards one thing and away from one thing.
You have been always busy in your thoughts your whole life, don't worry about stopping your thoughts, just learn to let them be.
3. Let Go: This should be the ultimate mantra of life, which is to let go as soon as possible. Let go of the hurt you've been keeping in your heart, believe me the person or event responsible for this hurt is not even aware or care of what he has done. Let go of the pleasure you obtain from making attachments, because in the bigger picture, it is just making you handicap and addicted, let go of your attachment towards negative thoughts also, drop all the thoughts which bring fear, leads to depression & anxiety. Just let go of the fear it brings along with them and take them as part of life. See how we make a simple worry to over-worry, click here.
4. Observe the sensations: We make perceptions based on the sensations we receive on our sense doors. Eyes, Ears, Nose, Tongue, Body and Mind, so whatever input comes on these sense doors, they make contact with us in terms of seeing, hearing, smell, taste, touch and thoughts. Based on this contact we generate sensations, which then in turn results in pleasant or unpleasant feelings and that is what is responsible for us making attachments. We can stop this at the very beginning by just introducing one small skill which is called Observance.
Means when the touch happens and sensations get produced, just observe that step and stop the formation of judgement right there. Increase your observance power and the best way to do the same is by increasing your listening skills. So listen more and talk less, also be mindful in everything you do. This will definitely help you take things the way they are and won't scare you. Learn more about how to be mindful, click here.
5. Meditation: Want to learn more about your mind and thoughts, then start doing meditation. So many ways to do meditation, like sitting, walking or lying meditation. Follow guided meditation sessions available widely on YouTube and other places.
6. Compassion and Kindness: If you love yourself, then the first and foremost thing to do is forgive others and forgive yourself. What's done is done, increase the strength of your morality and stay away from bad actions and bad intentions. Don't repeat the mistakes or go down the path of bad action. Live a life of discipline, ethics and morality. This will bring strength in your heart, so forgive more and be more kind, compassionate plus less prone to problems of sadness and depressions.
I just want to say, problems are an integral part of life, we cannot escape from them. There will be days when you will be highly anxious, depressive or surrounded by disastrous thoughts. But if you learn your mind and remove that cloud of ignorance then sky's the limit for your happiness. So 100% or ultimate happiness is living normally, peacefully and calmly even in the presence of depression, happiness no matter whatever the outcome is , without getting affected by them.
Anxiety or depressive thoughts might come back or might not, but with right training using above mentioned points, the mind can be made strong, strong enough which doesn't get much affected by these thoughts. Like you are never affected by your liver and kidney, they keep on working the way they work. Same way do not get affected by your mind, let it work the way it works. Just understand your mind, the way it reacts and then change the reaction, things will change forever.